Friday, 17 January 2014

The Folk of the Woods

Oh shit there is generic Cthulhu shit going on in the woods what with the maddening piping and cacaphonous singing and the wailing and stuff.
Local townsfolk are dressing up weird and wandering off and only eating vegetables that fell off the back of the cart before being sold.

The PCs enter the woods and discover a small army of disheveled twenty-somethings wearing round glasses and poor hair decisions. They experience:

1. Two fairly attractive chicks, one lazily playing a banjo while the other manages to sing in five different keys, some of which were heretofore unknown to man, over the course of a two minute song about the impact of swear words.

2. A man with a guitar playing a single song as a cute yet frenetic young boy dances enthusiastically.

3. A three man band loosely holding instruments while stamping, hollering, harmonising poorly, and generally making a racket. Later they will play Braid background music on (roll three times):
   - 1. A tambourine
   - 2. A guitar (50% chance obnoxiously tiny)
   - 3. A pump organ
   - 4. A wooden flute
   - 5. A large bass drum (50% chance w/ ocarina in mouth)
   - 6. A violin (50% chance of dual wielded, hand plucked)

4. The crowd is formed into groups and dancing to Scottish music under the instruction of a man with tufted hair which points in three directions. There is not really enough room for everyone in this forest glade and somehow each group has a 50% chance of not having the right number of people.

5. Surprisingly good, vaguely Billie Piper-ish singer belts out surging, impassioned lyrics. If there is a lesbian in your party she will immediately fall in love and buy a CD straight after the show.

6. Disappointingly slow strip-the-willow bungled on account of uneven numbers. Participants make do, fail to reach railgun velocities to the chagrin of some.

Next week we're playing at that abandoned temple of the god of silence. It's totally ironic.

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