Thing: Boots of Nondescription

Boots of Nondescription are particularly ordinary boots which will arouse no particular interest from anyone looking at them.

Anyone looking at a wearer of Boots of Nondescription will see the wearer just fine, but when they look away they will forget any and all defining features.
If asked later about what the person looked like, they'll say "err he was around... regular height? I think? And his hair was.. kind of a browny... red. Or was it blonde? Errr..."

If an NPC is wearing the Boots, don't describe the person or do a voice. Tell the players what he says in third person.
"Someone comes up to you and he says that he's got a message for a guy called Montgomery Fuzz. He hands a note and a dagger to you and walks off."

If a PC is wearing the Boots, people don't remember things about them.
Whilst this was intended for stealthy missions and such where having eyewitnesses would be bad, it can be used for other purposes.
Notably, my Goblin player drank a ton of mutating fountain water last session. She is now a horrific goblin-thing with a mushroom head and three-boned arms and poisonous insect-stingered back and is basically the most horrible thing in existence.
The townspeople cannot remember what it was that they saw, but they can remember the sheer terror they felt as they fled to their homes.

Plant Goblins for LotFP

The goblins which adventure in the world above their tribal hives are not the ordinary sort. Sometimes called hobgoblins, they are natural leaders of their kindred.
Like seeds dispersed by their mother tree they set out to find new and untapped areas in which to begin their own hives and start the goblin life cycle anew. They have the ability to bud off goblin workers (or buddies) which will obey their every whim.
They are naturally gifted in skulking around cities and dungeons, and have an innate penchant for locks and curious mechanisms.

More on the goblin life cycle and physiology can be found here.

So Anyway, How Do They Work?

Goblins use the same rules as Halflings with the following alterations:
- Instead of a 5 in 6 Stealth skill in the wilderness, they get a 5 in 6 Stealth skill in dungeons and urban environments.
- They have a 3 in 6 Tinker skill. This advances at the same rate as the Halfling's Bushcraft skill.

A Goblin can bud off further goblins at level 2 and onwards. It takes 8 hours and a place to plant the bud, and can be accomplished once per day.
At level 2, you can only have one goblin buddy. This maximum increases by 1 every level.

Goblin buddies are the ultimate henchmen - stupid, expendable, and fiercely loyal. They have a tendency to squabble, to impulsively grab treasure despite obvious traps, and otherwise act as redshirts for the DM. They also have a tendency to go missing around towns and cities.

I have quick class breakdown sheets for my players, it makes it easier for them to pick a class in a hurry after I've ripped up their sheet.

Here’s my new breakdown for goblins.

Goblin

Be this if

You want to be a pernicious, sneaky goblin with an army of minions.

Being a Goblin

Goblins are green, sneaky, evil creatures with beady eyes and a big ugly hooked nose. They are impulsive and stupid and rude and greedy and vile. They live underground in their tribal hives, squabbling over the fungus which grows upon rotted matter. They are spiteful and verminous, and hate humanity above all else.

But this is not you.

You are what is sometimes called a Hobgoblin. Capable of rational thought and tactical thinking, you are a natural leader of goblin society. Some hobgoblins stay in their hives to lead their tribes, others like you set out into the wider world to find a place to start a hive of your very own.

You will gain the unique ability to bud off goblin buddies which will answer only to you. Plus you’re tough and you’re sneaky and you grow up fast, and you’re great at tinkering with traps.

Alignment

You detect as Neutral.

Goblin Wiles

You are sneaky and wily and excellent at hiding in cities and dungeons, and you have a knack for locks and gadgets. You have a 5 in 6 Stealth skill in cities and a 3 in 6 Tinker skill.

Goblins are quick and lucky. You gain a +1 bonus to your DEX modifier and add a bonus +1 AC when you are not surprised.

You’re pretty small though, so you can’t use weapons that need two hands, and you need to wield medium weapons two-handed.

Goblin Buddies

Starting at 2nd level you’ll gain the ability to bud off a goblin buddy. This takes 8 hours and somewhere to plant the bud, and can be attempted once per day. At 2nd level, you can have a maximum of one goblin buddy at a time, but this increases by one every level thereafter.

Goblin buddies are the ultimate henchmen - stupid, expendable, and fiercely loyal.

Gameplay Stuff

Hp	Paralyze	Poison	Breath	Device	Magic
1d6 – min. 4	10	8	13	9	12

On level

Gain +1d6 HP and +2 to saving throws.                      

Greenery Goblins

Nobody wants to play a Halfling. They're short and plump and they like farming and relaxing and generally being country bumpkins. I get the impression Raggi knew nobody would ever want to play a halfling too, considering how boring the Halfling is as it levels up. Every second level is a dud where the only thing you get is a bit more health.

So I changed them to Goblins!

I like my goblins to be wacky and insane and stupid, they talk in a silly voice and do contrary things.
But considering it's a player behind a Goblin character, and PCs tend to be somewhat cunning and intelligent, it creates an interesting mismatch when the their goblin doesn't act like any of the regular goblins out in the world.

So, goblins -

Goblins are technically a type of motile vegetable. That's why they're green

Goblins live in hives below the ground, and much like leafcutter ants they live on the fungi and lichens that grows on the rotting matter they bring into their mushroom farms.

Goblin hives themselves are a disorganised affair, leading to many dead-ends and switchbacks as the goblins get bored with digging or forget where they left off or get eaten by the creatures that tend to lurk in the forgotten nooks and crannies.
The very oldest hives are immense, cutting through natural caves and adjoining other subterranean delvings.
The dwarves hate them because they have no regard for structural integrity and dig into dwarven tunnels and steal their gold and and let all sorts of dangerous creatures into the mines.

Despite being plants, they have similar physiological needs to humans.
They must eat, for their stomachs are sacks lined with roots and filaments and symbiotic fungoids, drawing sustenance from the food in their bellies. Once the mulch is drained of sustenance, they excrete it from their pores. They are always covered in muck.
They must breathe air, for they have developed to suit life beneath the reach of the sun. They drain their food of nutrition in order to power their bizarre subterranean photosynthesis.
A goblin sealed in a small room will never run out of air for it exudes oxygen from its skin.

They mostly reproduce asexually by budding. These buds tend to grow on their long noses, and are commonly mistaken for warts. Pick off a bud and plant it in rich soil, and over time it will grow into a fully formed goblin. Pick it too early and find a creepy mandrake thing. It's cry does not kill, but it'll scare the shit out of you when you pull it out of the ground.

Goblins formed via budding are asexual, and the reason why the common perception of the goblin is one of madness and unpredictability. They are the worker ants of the goblin tribe and they are rude, stupid, greedy, and fiercely loyal.
Worker goblins can themselves bud off even more goblins and so they quickly repopulate after tribe-destroying disasters. As a result, worker goblins have a singularly suicidal mindset and will happily give their worthless lives for their tribe.
This complete disregard for personal safety, paired with easy access to potent fungal reagants, predisposes these goblins towards alchemy and machinery. Unfortunately, their oxygen-exuding skin makes them especially flammable, and their attention deficit nature and capricious mindset makes them liable to "forget" to make their machines safe in any way.
Worker goblins are vindictive against their fellows. They create nonsensical traps in thoroughfares, hoard treasure in dangerous out-of-the-way places, and otherwise mess with each other in manners both deadly and stupid.

There is another caste of goblins which commands and controls the workers. These are known to the worker goblins as Budmothers and Budfathers, to sages as Matriarchs and Patriarchs, and to the layman as Hobgoblins.
While they are physiologically similar to the asexual worker caste, they aren't insane. Unique where the bud-goblins are identical, capable of rational thought and future planning where the bud-goblins are irrational and capricious, they are the natural leaders of their tribes.

The goblin reproduction process itself involves doing something fairly complicated with anthers and stigmas and results in the male and female fusing into one big entwined seed . This seed is planted in a fungus patch, well tended by the worker goblins, and allowed to grow into a large flowering plant which puts forth a single large bean over the course of several months.
When this bean opens, revealed within are 4 to 8 baby Hobgoblins, which are raised to maturity by the goblin tribe at large. They refer to each other as Podbrothers and Podsisters.
Some stay with their tribe, helping to control and lead it to greater industry with their tactical thinking. Others strike out into the world above, seeking a mate with fresh genetics and a place to start a new hive of their very own.

These latter goblins are prone to joining adventuring parties, delving into depths and exploring far across the land in search of a nice place to set up a new hive.

How do they work? Check it out here!

Making Damage Meaningful

How often have you heard your players say things like "I've got a bunch of HP left, I can keep going" and "It's alright I'll go first I'm a tank"?

It seems like their character's pain is meaningless to them! Sure they've got HP remaining, but their character is still probably going to get hurt.
If only there were some way to simulate the fear of getting hurt at the table without inflicting any actual pain...

And so I present the Ten Foot Polemic Pavlovian Psychosomatic Pain-Avoidance Training Device, or "nerf gun" for short.

Simply load, point, and shoot at any player who takes damage during the game.
Extra shots for claw/claw/bite are optional, but encouraged.

Thing: The Red Rapier

One of my players found a magical rapier on my random room search table last session.
The magical effect I rolled was red colour trails that follow the blade.
Neat! But in keeping with the LotFP ethos of magic items being powerful, unknowable, and potentially self destructive, here's the Red Rapier as I'll be using it in my game.

Red Rapier:

Leather-wrapped hilt, blade of folded steel.
Otherwise unadorned.

If identified, its name is Thirst.
It drinks blood, and so its blade is always clean.
It gains power as it consumes blood.


Killing a living creature with it embeds the rapier in the creature for one round as it guzzles on the juices. Intelligent creatures add 3 charges, non-intelligent creatures add 1 charge.
Nonliving or bloodless creatures do not add charges.
At midnight every night it loses 3 charges, or resets completely if it has tasted no blood that day.


0      Ordinary rapier
1      Leaves a trail of red afterimages.
2-3    No penalty to hit against high AC
4-6    Hilt becomes sticky and damp, leaves red residue on hand.
7-9    Somehow sits better in wielder's hand, +1 to hit.
10-12  Glows a deep red in dim light. Bearer is subtly encouraged by DM to kill things. "He surrenders, but you see a crazy gleam in his eyes like he'll kill you as soon as your back is turned." etc.
13-15  Seeks arteries, +2 to hit and +1 to damage. Bearers hands are bloody when they leave the sword, and a bloody spot on the bearer's palm cannot be washed off. Out damn spot!
16-18  Blade seems like translucent frosted glass filled with a viscous red liquid. "Accidentally" kills people held at rapierpoint, fighting in friendly duels, etc. Crits on 19-20.
19-21  Bearer's palms and fingertips turn a deep umber. Can sacrifice hit points to gain that much + to crit range. Declare before rolling.
22-24  Blade looks like clear glass filled with viscous red liquid. Bearer's arms are red like sunburn. Missing an attack drains 1d4 HP from user, but allows a reroll. Critical hits heal 1d8 HP (even above maximum).
25-27  Blood beads from the blade. If given opportunity to spare a life, the bearer is filled with bloodlust. Bearer's eyes are bestial, yellow and slitted. +2 to hit, +2 to damage.
28-30  Blood gloops along blade like this. Skin is deep scarlet, nails are cruel claws, teeth are fangs. While the blade guzzles on blood, you get a flash of insight into the person they were. "Argued with his wife this morning", "dog's fondest memory is staring up at his mother as a puppy", etc. +3 to hit, +3 to damage.
31+    Blade becomes a long clear blade of crimson crystal. They know that if the blade goes a day without tasting blood and resets, the bearer dies and their body dessicates as their soul is consumed. Otherwise, the bearer cannot be killed by any means.
The bearer must Save vs Magical Device (Wis mod applies) every time they drain blood, else go wild with bloodlust and attempt to kill every living thing in the area.

Making Death Meaningful

So this guy was talking about how it's important to let a character live if a random die roll would give them a meaningless death.

From now on, I am giving characters a meaningful death forever. By using this chart.

Diagnosis	Means of Destroying Character Sheet
Slicing	Torn in half
Stabbing	Held taut by player, stabbed over and over with pencil
Bashing	Screwed into a ball and stomped on.
Piercing	Held taut by player, stabbed a single time through the character portrait.
Mauling	Torn to shreds.
Falling	Balled up and thrown out the window.
Drowning	Placed in a cupful of water.
Freezing	As above, but put in the freezer.
Burning	Lit on fire with a lighter.
Exploding	Curled into a hollow ball, filled with sparkler dust, lit.
Dismembering	Stats and portrait carefully cut from sheet.
Starving	Eaten.

On The Tyranny of Awesome

Awesomeness is unsustainable.

This is going to be a rambling post, but maybe there'll be a point somewhere.
This one time, back when the word "epic" still had a skerrick of meaning, I ran a one-shot I called Heavy Metal Bards. It remains one of the best sessions I've ever run, and I'm beseeched to do a sequel every time it comes up in conversation.

Harpies and naked fire chicks on motorbikes and spiky hell-machines and other album cover monsters were defeated while riding on top of a speaker-bedecked doom-truck.
Justin Bieber was defeated and cruelly murdered when a concerted crescendo by the players overcame his evil music.
Gods of Metal granted them big black smoky wings and the power of flight, and then the volcano they were flying towards unfurled its wings and revealed itself to be a mountain-sized dragon which was defeated when my own girlfriend ran down its throat and severed its spine.
It was pretty much the greatest thing I've ever run, and widely held to be the best thing they've ever played before or since.

So I'd love to do a Heavy Metal Bards campaign, but it's unsustainable. There'd be no sense of progression, just bigger and bigger things. Once they've killed a mountain-sized dragon, where do I go next? A dragon the size of the moon? Of the world? And suddenly I realise Heavy Metal Gurren Lagann would be balla as fuck.
Well there you go, possible sequel, but its no campaign.

Skipping back round to some sort of point, this Tyranny of Awesome idea I'm trying to chew my way around to is the fact that once you decide that This Will Be Awesome Stuff Happening The Whole Time, you're locked into this cycle of making things cooler and cooler until you can't think of anything better and it all falls apart and you have to stop.

I've reached my limittttttt

So if you want to sustain awesomeness for the longest possible time, you've got to hold back and make it less awesome so you have more of a run-up at the most awesome stuff.

And that's lame.

This is probably the reason why Exalted is such a shit system. They tell you that you're a crazy anime kung-fu Sengoku Basara motherfucker who gets extra points for describing stuff in an awesome way, then arbitrarily apply limits and rules and checks and balances.
Suddenly you can't just take "I'm a demon sword guy who can run up walls!" and just do it. You have to be a Strifekind Hemi-Demon with Sword Specialty 3 and Wall Running 2 which means you can chop at +2 or pommel strike at +1 but you can't stab because you don't have Crystal Dragon Stabbing Strike, and you can only parry if you haven't used the Energy Point from your eighteenth sigil, and you can run for precisely 7 metres on wood or stone but not metal because they needed to add some more limits so that you feel like your wall running guy is getting better at wall running, and you can only run on walls not ceilings because that'd steal the thunder of the guy with Spider Climb 5.

So I guess this is, overall, why I'm enjoying running Flame Princess so much more than Fourth Ed. Less "start off awesome, END MORE AWESOME!" and more "Start off shit, end cold and alone in a ditch". I feel much less concerned about making the next place Even More Awesome, and much more concerned about how the world reacts to the party in general.
It's really quite liberating.