I made the jobs pretty standard because I am boring and so try to keep things fairly normal until the Weird Shit starts happening, so there are no leech-fuckers or tree-gobblers or anything like that.
But you can rename them if you want I don't mind!
Also I managed to get to 200 things with only like 2 joke options which for me is fucking amazing.
If you're complaining because your weedy, highly intelligent wizard used to be a bouncer then I guess that's why he got fired, right?
Spreadsheets for you to have!
The thing I just finished:d200 Failed Medieval Careers
Hey what you found some esoteric bullshit mundane medieval job?! Chuck it on here! It could be great!
Public spreadsheet YOU can edit! (Edit: Someone's turned this into a 5e version!)
Basic Deal
At char gen roll a random profession!Gain:
- A free (often repurposed) weapon!
- A free random extra thing!
- A bonus to doing stuff if you can justify it being related to your job!
With thanks to/stolen from:
DCC quickstart guideGiblet Blizzard (often translated from weird-ese for portability, sorry Jez!)
Tenkar's Tavern
Roles, Rules and Rolls
The Table Itself in case you are unable to get to the spreadsheet:
Roll | Occupation | Starting Weapon | Something extra | |
1 | Academic | Staff | Quill and ink | |
2 | Actor | Cudgel | Flowers, 1 bunch | |
3 | Alchemist | Staff | Oil, 1 flask | |
4 | Animal Trainer | Whip | Pony | |
5 | Apothecary | Dagger | Pestle and mortar | |
6 | Aristocrat | Rapier | Foppish wig | |
7 | Armourer | Spiked gauntlet (cestus) | Iron helmet | |
8 | Artist | Sharpened paintbrush | Self portrait | |
9 | Assassin | Knife in sleeve sheathe | Poison, 1 dose | |
10 | Astrologer | Wiggly dagger | Spyglass | |
11 | Atilliator | Crossbow | Iron bars | |
12 | Baker | Breadknife | Bread, 1 loaf | |
13 | Barber | Straight razor | Scissors | |
14 | Bartender | Crossbow | Beer, 6 pack | |
15 | Beekeeper | Jar of bees | Honey, 1 jar | |
16 | Beggar | Sling | Crutches | |
17 | Bellringer | Long hook (mancatcher) | Rope, 50' | |
18 | Besom maker | Broom (staff) | Corn stalks, 1 bundle | |
19 | Blacksmith | Blacksmith's hammer | Steel tongs | |
20 | Bloodletter | Knife | Leeches, 1 jar | |
21 | Bodger | Knife | Shaving horse | |
22 | Bouncer | Brass knuckles | Groin protection | |
23 | Bowyer | Longbow | Spare bowstring | |
24 | Brewer | Keg tapper | Cask of ale | |
25 | Bricklayer | Bricklaying stick (staff) | Bag of bricks | |
26 | Busker | Reinforced instrument | Instrument case. | |
27 | Butcher | Meat cleaver | Ham hock | |
28 | Butler | Empty bottle | Tin serving tray | |
29 | Candlestick maker | Candlestick | 3 candles | |
30 | Caravan guard | Shortsword | Linen, 1 yard | |
31 | Cartographer | Shortsword | Local area map | |
32 | Chalk cutter | Chisel | Chalk, 5 pieces | |
33 | Charcoal burner | Scoop | Charcoal, 1 bag | |
34 | Cheesemonger | Cheesewire (garotte) | Cheese, 1 wheel | |
35 | Chimney sweep | Broom (staff) | Wire brush | |
36 | Chirurgeon | Bonesaw | Needle and thread | |
37 | Clockmaker | Turnscrew (ye olde screwdriver) | Specialist's tools | |
38 | Clown | Club | Huge shoes | |
39 | Cobbler | Awl | Shoehorn | |
40 | Colporteur | Letter opener | Religious tome | |
41 | Cook | Fillet knife | Chef hat | |
42 | Cooper | Crowbar | Barrel | |
43 | Courtesan | Stiletto in boot sheath | Make up kit | |
44 | Crystal carver | Chisel | Crystals, 1 pouch | |
45 | Cultist | Wiggly dagger | Blood, 1 pint | |
46 | Cutpurse | Dagger | Small chest | |
47 | Dentist | Hammer | Sack of teeth | |
48 | Diplomat | Cudgel | Fancy clothes | |
49 | Ditch digger | Shovel | Dirt, 1 bag | |
50 | Dog breeder | Whip | Dog | |
51 | Drug dealer | Shank | Cocaine-analog, 1 oz. | |
52 | Dung collector | Pitchfork | Manure, 1 bag | |
53 | Dyer | Stirring paddle (club) | 3 small jars of dye | |
54 | Engraver | Chisel | 3 Etchings | |
55 | Falconer | Thick leather glove | Trained hawk | |
56 | False prophet | Staff | Devoted disciple | |
57 | Farmer (crops) | Scythe | Ox | |
58 | Farmer (dairy) | Goad (spear) | Milk, 1 pint | |
59 | Farmer (drugs) | Shank | 3 joints | |
60 | Farmer (flowers) | Spade | Flowers, 1 bunch | |
61 | Farmer (fruit) | Garden shears | Fruit, 1 bag (5 standard rations) | |
62 | Farmer (herbs) | Sickle | Herbs, 1 pouch | |
63 | Farmer (mushrooms) | Trowel (dagger) | Mushrooms, 1 bag | |
64 | Farmer (pigs) | Crook (staff) | Piglet | |
65 | Farmer (poultry) | Boning knife | Hen | |
66 | Farmer (vegetables) | Hoe (staff) | Vegetables, 1 bag (5 standard rations) | |
67 | Farmer (worms) | Club | Worms, 1 jar | |
68 | Farrier | Hoof nippers (club) | Horseshoe, iron | |
69 | Fence | Light crossbow | 10sp sewn into jacket hem | |
70 | Fireman | Fire axe | Bucket | |
71 | Fisherman (freshwater) | Boning knife | Fishing rod & tackle | |
72 | Fisherman (sea) | Large net | Fish | |
73 | Flagellant | Thick, knotted rope (flail) | Shitty relic | |
74 | Fletcher | Shortbow | Arrows, Bundle of 100 | |
75 | Cupbearer | Steak knife | Antidote, 1 vial | |
76 | Forester | Longbow | Bear trap | |
77 | Fortune teller | Wiggly dagger | Tarot deck | |
78 | Fowler | Boning knife | Dog | |
79 | Fuller | Club | Bale of wool | |
80 | Furrier | Skinning knife | Dog pelt | |
81 | Gambler | Club | Dice | |
82 | Gardener | Shovel | Secateurs | |
83 | Glassblower | Glassblowing tube | 3 empty jars | |
84 | Gluemaker | Huge spoon | Glue, 1 pot | |
85 | Gong farmer | Trowel (dagger) | Night soil, 1 bag | |
86 | Pimp | Cane (club) | Fancy clothes | |
87 | Grave digger | Shovel | Grave dirt, 1 bag | |
88 | Grave robber | Shovel | Small yet valuable totem (5sp) | |
89 | Greengrocer | Staff | Handcart | |
90 | Grifter | Dagger | Quality cloak | |
91 | Gutter cleaner | Gutter pole (staff) | Bucket | |
92 | Gyspy | Sling | Voodoo doll | |
93 | Haberdasher | Scissors (dagger) | Pocketful of buttons | |
94 | Handyman | Hammer | Ladder | |
95 | Hawker | Dagger | Small, valuable goods (10sp) | |
96 | Hayward | Shears | Horn | |
97 | Faith healer | Club | Holy water, 1 vial | |
98 | Chapman | Shortsword | Pony | |
99 | Herbalist | Dagger | Herbs, 1 pouch | |
100 | Hermit | Gnarled oak club | Bearskin cloak | |
101 | Horse whisperer | Lassoo (mancatcher) | Horse hair brush | |
102 | Hunter | Shortbow | Deer Pelt | |
103 | Icecutter | Ice saw | Big chunk of ice | |
104 | Incense bearer | Censor (flail) | Incense | |
105 | Jester | Dart | Silk clothes | |
106 | Jeweler | Chisel (dagger) | Uncut jewel worth 20sp | |
107 | Joiner | Mallet | Chair | |
108 | Knacker | Hammer | Jar of glue | |
109 | Lamp lighter | 10' pole | Flint and tinder | |
110 | Lawyer | Rapier | Law books | |
111 | Leatherworker | Club | Leather armour | |
112 | Hetheleder | Long knife | Heather, 1 bag | |
113 | Librarian | Letter opener | Interesting book | |
114 | Lighterman | Ten foot pole | Shallow-bottomed boat | |
115 | Linkboy | Big stick (club) | Hooded lantern | |
116 | Locksmith | Dagger | Specialist's tools | |
117 | Lookout | Shortbow | Spyglass | |
118 | Mason | Hammer | Chunk of marble | |
119 | Mercenary | Longsword | Leather armour | |
120 | Messenger | Shortbow | Horse | |
121 | Midwife | Scalpel (dagger) | Forceps | |
122 | Miller | Club | Flour, 1 bag. | |
123 | Milliner | Scissors (dagger) | Vial of mercury | |
124 | Miner | Pickaxe | Bag of coal | |
125 | Minstrel | Dagger | Lame instrument | |
126 | Moneylender | Dagger | 3d6 sp | |
127 | Monk | Staff | Religious tome | |
128 | Mucker | Pitchfork (spear) | Broom | |
129 | Night watchman | Truncheon | Shiny steel helmet | |
130 | Nobleman's son | Longsword | silver ring worth 20 sp | |
131 | Organ thief | Scalpel (dagger) | Spare kidney on ice in sack | |
132 | Orphan | Big stick (medium, smashy) | Rag doll | |
133 | Ostler | Staff | Bridle | |
134 | Outlaw | Shortsword | Leather armour | |
135 | Oyster raker | Rake | Crushed oyster shells, 1 bag | |
136 | Painter | Paint scraper (dagger) | Paints and brushes | |
137 | Parchment maker | Scraping knife (dagger) | Parchment, 3 pieces | |
138 | Pawnbroker | Crossbow | Fancy clothes | |
139 | Peat cutter | Spade | Peat, 1 bag | |
140 | Philosopher | Sharp pen | Large, half-empty tome | |
141 | Pickler | Ladle | Brine, 1 jar | |
142 | Pie maker | Rolling pin | Delicious pie | |
143 | Pirate | Cutlass | Treasure map | |
144 | Plague doctor | Knife | Crow-beaked mask | |
145 | Postman | Cudgel | Handcart | |
146 | Prison warden | Mancatcher | Bunch of keys | |
147 | Prostitute | Brass knuckles | Make up kit | |
148 | Puppeteer | Club | Puppet | |
149 | Quill cutter | Dagger | Uncut feathers, 2d4 | |
150 | Rat catcher | Long net (staff) | Small but vicious dog | |
151 | Riverbank comber | Gaff hook (mancatcher) | Manky net | |
152 | Sailor | Shortsword | Spyglass | |
153 | Scholar | Dagger | Complicated Book | |
154 | Scribe | Darts | Parchment, 10 sheets | |
155 | Scrimshaw | Engraving awl (dagger) | Ivory, 1 piece | |
156 | Scullion | Stick | Raggedy clothing | |
157 | Seamstress | Long needle (dagger) | Unspun wool | |
158 | Servant | Dagger | Locket | |
159 | Sewerhand | Staff | Stanky clothes | |
160 | Shaman | Mace | Herbs, 1 pouch | |
161 | Shepherd | Crook (staff) | Sheep | |
162 | Shingler | Mallet | Roof tiles | |
163 | Shipwright | Hammer | Pocketful of nails | |
164 | Shoe shiner | Shinin' rag (garotte) | Shoe polish | |
165 | Shrubber | Shears | A herring | |
166 | Sinecure | Rapier | Wax seal stamp | |
167 | Slave | Club | Funny looking rock | |
168 | Slaver | Whip | Map of foreign lands | |
169 | Smuggler | Sling | Waterproof sack | |
170 | Soldier | Spear | Shield | |
171 | Spice merchant | Club | Spice, 1 bag | |
172 | Spy | Dagger in sleeve sheath | Specialist's tools | |
173 | Squire | Longsword | Steel helmet | |
174 | Stevedore | Crowbar | Empty crate | |
175 | Stonecutter | Sledgehammer | Fossil | |
176 | Milkmaid | Wooden stool | Milk bucket | |
177 | Street magician | Staff | White rabbit | |
178 | Street sweeper | Broom (staff) | Trash, 1 bag | |
179 | Tailor | Long needle (dagger) | Fine clothes | |
180 | Taxidermist | Long needle (dagger) | Stuffed cat | |
181 | Thatcher | Shearing hook (axe) | Legget | |
182 | Thief | Dagger | 5 caltrops | |
183 | Thug | Club | Necklace of teeth | |
184 | Tinker | Hammer | Tin snips | |
185 | Torturer | Jagged knife | Specialist's tools | |
186 | Trader | Shortsword | 20 cp | |
187 | Trapper | Sling | Badger pelt | |
188 | Urchin | Big stick | Alms bowl | |
189 | Vaginarius | Shortsword | Ornate scabbard | |
190 | Vagrant | Hobbling cane (staff) | Alms bowl | |
191 | Veterinarian | Long needle (dagger) | Painkillers | |
192 | Village idiot | Sausage | Urine, 1 pint | |
193 | Vintner | Staff | Fine wine, 1 bottle | |
194 | Wainwright | Club | Pushcart | |
195 | Water carrier | Staff | Two wooden buckets | |
196 | Weaponsmith | Longsword | Oils and whetstones | |
197 | Weaver | Dagger | Fine suit of clothes | |
198 | Window tapper | Staff | 10' pole | |
199 | Woodcutter | Handaxe | Wood, 1 bundle | |
200 | Zealot | Gnarled staff | Soapbox |
I particularly like the zealot. A failed zealot could perhaps re-repurpose his bonus gear and become the Johnny Appleseed of hygiene. "Alright you smelly bastards choose: the stick or the soap!"
ReplyDeleteBy the way, it's good to see you blogging again regularly.
First contribution to the Gygaxian democracy: check.
ReplyDeleteGreat work man.
OK, made sure every profession on this list was on the spreadsheet and added a few of my own.
ReplyDeleteYou are the absolute fucking best!
DeleteHow do you roll a d200?
ReplyDeleteRoll a d20 and a d10, like beefed up percentile dice.
DeleteI started two groups this month and used this table with both.
DeleteIt was incredible! They choose a name, and then rolled a failed career ... and then money and class and everything else. Such a good way to start a game with new players. Thank you so much!
Thanks man! It's honestly the best feeling to know that I've made something people are using!
Delete